There’s a massive misconception about where true fulfillment comes from. The average person assumes that if they make more money or they have more success, then they’ll be fulfilled. But it turns out it has nothing to do with money or success, because fulfillment is actually very easy to unlock once you know where to get the key.

I remember a moment when I hit a high in my career. It was a very difficult coding problem. It kept me up for weeks, and once I solved that problem, the rush was incredible. It was like standing on top of a mountain, just looking out at this domain that I conquered. But instead of enjoying it for any length of time, all I could think about was the next challenge, the looming deadline. I had to keep going. Be the best. Solve more. Build more. Work harder.

But the more I pushed, the emptier I felt. At the time, I thought it was success (bigger problems, bigger paychecks, harder challenges) that was the key to fulfillment. Turns out, I was completely wrong.

The Fulfillment Myth

If you think fulfillment will come once you finally make enough money, close that big deal, or solve that impossible problem, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. Because I chased all of that, and still something was missing.

Many people assume that fulfillment in life comes from success. When you make enough money, you’ll finally be happy. When you close that big deal, then you’ve made it. When you solve that crazy problem, then you’ll finally be able to relax. But none of it’s true. At least it’s not the whole truth.

In America, it feels like we’ve been programmed to believe fulfillment comes from success. And yet we see it time and time again. People who have “made it” but are still miserable. Celebrities at the peak of their careers battling depression. Entrepreneurs who sell their company for millions but feel lost afterward. They had great success, but they’re not happy.

So if success isn’t the key, what is? What is it that actually brings true and lasting fulfillment, if it isn’t money and personal or business success?

Fulfillment isn’t something you stumble upon. The key to it is something you have to build. The key is made of three components, and you need all three of these components or the lock’s not going to turn and you won’t be able to actually unlock fulfillment in your life.

For the longest time, I only focused on one of these components.

Component One: Creation

The first component is actually all about creation. We are made to create. I believe we were put here on earth by God, and when I say God, I’m talking about Elohim of the Bible, the Mighty Creator. The first thing that God tells us about Himself in Genesis chapter 1 is that He is a Creator.

I never considered myself creative. I couldn’t draw, and as much as I wanted to do 2D and 3D graphics, I could never create anything that actually looked good. But what I didn’t realize for years was that my love for software development was actually creative. I mean, we actually call it “creating software.” I always loved creating brand new systems, architecting something that didn’t exist before, solving some difficult technical problem. It was very enjoyable to me. The actual pain of attempting to solve the problem wasn’t particularly fun, but once I found a solution, that enjoyment was almost magical.

So creating is just one component of the key. I like to think of it as the handle. But it’s not enough. You won’t be able to even put it into the lock with just a handle.

For years I actually thought that creating was the key. I loved software development, solving problems, building systems, taking something complex and creating an elegant solution. It was exhilarating to me. But the enjoyment was always short-lived. I’d solve one problem and then immediately move on to the next. No time to celebrate. No time to reflect. And the high from creating something new, well, it just faded faster and faster every single time.

That’s when I finally realized that creation alone isn’t enough.

Component Two: Connection

At some point I started to ask myself, why did the joy of creating fade so fast? And then I realized: I was creating alone. I was chasing a success that only I could see, speaking a language that no one around me understood. I wanted to share my victories, my breakthroughs, but when I tried, they didn’t land. My family didn’t speak “developer.”

So instead of finding ways to connect, I just worked harder. And the harder I worked, the more distant I became.

Connection was that missing piece. You need to find someone to connect with. There are many people out there that actually sacrifice their family while they create and chase the fleeting enjoyment that comes from creating. Ask me how I know.

Having someone to connect with, to share your victories and your struggles with, and that you’re able to share theirs with them, is the second critical component to the key that unlocks fulfillment.

Not only does God create, He has a desire to connect. It’s why He created us humans. He desires to connect with us. Therefore it is our desire to connect with others.

When I let go of trying to be the best developer and instead became the best husband, the best father, and the best friend that I could be, that’s when fulfillment started lasting for me.

However, connection by itself is not enough. If there’s only connection and no creation, or vice versa, then fulfillment doesn’t last.

Component Three: Contribution

That brings us to the final component of the key. That’s the actual teeth of the key, the part that gets inserted into the lock. But it can’t be turned if it doesn’t have the other two components.

The final component of the key that unlocks fulfillment is contribution. We only get true and lasting fulfillment if we contribute to others. But we can’t contribute (either to those we have close connections with or those we have no real connection with) unless we have first created. Contribution is about using one’s creations and connections to positively impact others.

I’ve always contributed money to charity. Done that since my first job when I was 14. But giving my time was something different. Then I learned how to be fully present, whether we’re talking about with my family, or when I’m working, or when I’m part of a community. That’s what changed everything.

You don’t have to wait until you’ve made a lot of money or obtained a lot of success to start contributing. And I suggest that you won’t actually taste true and lasting fulfillment until you do start contributing to others. We don’t just find fulfillment in creating things for ourselves. We find it when we use what we create to serve others.

Are You Holding the Whole Key?

My question to you is this: are you only holding part of the key to unlock fulfillment? Are you spending all your time creating but feeling empty? Are you connected but not really contributing? Or maybe you’re giving but not creating something that energizes you?

When you align all three of these (creation, connection, and contribution), that’s when fulfillment actually lasts.

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